Finding Home
by Twisted-mirrors
Summary: Noel always planned for the next few years, Natalie never had a plan. They fell for each other. Set after Felicity 3.02 Anti-Natalie Intervention. Noel tries to ends his marriage to Natalie and encounters a surprising vulnerable side of her. Natalie finds a new home in Noel, but isn't sure how to let him in on her dark past. They face the challenges of their choices together.


Chapter 1

**Surprises**

When the morning light fell onto the room, Noel was still staying at the same spot on the bed. He was holding the bag of not-so-frozen anymore, dripping peas to his eye, unaware of the wet spot it was creating on his shirt, looking straight in front of him to the empty trunk he was supposed to fill with his possessions.

The door closed with a bang.

"I brought breakfast" it was Natalie, her voice soft, low, apologetic and something else which he had never heard before.

**(1 day earlier)**

_The night before, Noel was re-thinking seriously his marriage to Natalie. He always did the right thing, so it was the first time in his life where his choice didn't feel so clear-cut. Taking advice from Felicity, he started thinking about what their life could be like._

_Minus, all of his friends didn't like her._

_Plus, she loved him unconditionally, in a way that Felicity or Ruby never could._

_Minus, when she saw the notebook with his 4-year plan, the one he had so carefully thought through and dreamed about, she laughed and joked about it, as if it was a part of his old life. Which, by the way the summer had been, should have been accurate. Only it still hurt him to see her reaction._

_Plus, she was drop-dead gorgeous, smart and impulsive, and brought a whole new side in him._

_Minus, sometimes it bothered him that he wasn't sure where they would be in a year. Being on the road all the time got lonely sometimes._

_But the ultimate plus was that he loved her just as much as she loved him, and more than he had ever loved before…_

_So it was set. He will work out the minuses. He talked to his friends, they made a great meal for them in Sean's loft, and everything was great, until Natalie saw the Anti-Natalie Intervention sheet from the day before. They had a huge fight where Noel told her may be they made a mistake and she punched him in the eye, and stormed out…_

**(present)**

"I'm not hungry"

"It's your favorite though, pepperoni and mushroom pizza from Johny's"

Small smile showed on his face despite his desire to look angry.

"But you're vegetarian. You hate that pizza."

"I brought it for you. Can we talk?'

Her big brown eyes were softer than before, and a little sad. She was always rushing, fast, excited for something new she found out, and when she was upset, she was angry, not sad. This was a new side he hadn't seen.

"Noel, I…"

"Natalie, please don't. You will say that you care about me or something else really great and before I know it we will both be on the plane to Cambodia or China or who knows where. But I don't want that. I need something spontaneous in my life, but I also love my "geeky" side, and I love my friends. I need to have roots, and you need to be free. We can never work …."

She stopped as if struck by lightning, and swallowed, and then sat on the edge of the bed next to him rigidly.

He could feel the warmth of her skin almost touching his, the tension, but she didn't make a move as she would have usually.

The words felt heavy and scary at the tip of her tongue.

"Alright. I'll stay then."

He turned to her. She was slightly shorter than him, and he could feel it even sitting, and she was looking up in his eyes, softly and with pleading. Her nose was few inches from his.

"Natalie, you can't…" his voice was softer too, low, deep and raspy, full of love, need and regret.

"I love you." Her lips were almost brushing against his, the heat building in between them.

"I love you too, but you love to travel, and if I make you stay it's almost as bad as if I travel all the time for you…"

"I'm…Noel, I…" she suddenly pulled back fast, her voice getting high-pitched. She took a deep breath and started again. "I never wanted to be traveling all the time. I mean, I love it, but I don't want it to be my life, but I just didn't think that there's anything left for me in this city or anywhere, I just didn't think that…" The tears formed in her eyes and she removed them hastily with fingers, and tried to nervously fix her unruly curly brown hair.

Noel looked at her stricken and full of concern, too shocked to know what to do. He wasn't uncomfortable with women crying, god knows that Felicity did that plenty their freshman year, and he considered himself very good at comforting women. But her reaction scared him. He had never before even seen her sad, he wasn't even sure if he could imagine her crying, and now she was, he couldn't understand why, and she looked vulnerable and fragile, and so not-Natalie. His heart ached. Even with her red-stained cheeks with the tears rolling down her face, she was shockingly beautiful in the morning light, with silky spotless skin, seductive lips, and gorgeous curves. And she was strong, he knew that. For her to be upset was almost as scary as the fact that he was only in his sophomore year of university and already getting divorced.

"Natalie, I don't know what to say, what…"

To his utter shock, she started whimpering, unable to stop herself from crying this time, and when he tried to hug her, she pushed him away, looking like a broken doll.

"Baby, what's wrong, Natalie?" he tried using his softest voice.

But she just shook her head and continued crying.

He looked at her crying for a while, wondering what to do, and finally went to the bathroom, and filled the tub.

When he came back, she looked up at him, her eyes red and swollen, and for a first time, shame filled them. She started drying her face in her sleeves, like a little kid, and mumbling. It looked adorable.

"I'm…I'm sorry, I-I-I don't know what's happening to me, I can't-can't stop…I'm…I'm fine."

"You're not fine. Come with me. I made you a bath."

He led her to the bathroom, and for a first time she smile a little, and gave a strained laugh. "You mixed salts for me."

She had once before asked him to do that, but he didn't really know how to mix them or draw a bath, and was reluctant to ask her. "It may be bad. I improvised. You could hate it" He joked.

"I'll love it. Thank you, you didn't have to."

"Yes, I did. You may be my wife, but you are also my friend and you need me."

Tears started forming again in her eyes, and she opened and closed her mouth unable to say anything.

"It's okay, you don't have to speak. Let me take care of you today."

She nodded, and let him slowly remove her clothes, and his. He sat in the bathtub behind her, and slowly started washing her and massaging her skin, gentle around the old and new scars on her back- she had told him that she got them in her traveling, and since she loved to try everything, especially snowboarding, and all kinds of extreme sports, he believed her. She twitched a little when he moved the sponge through the scars, and then relaxed again, letting herself just feel his loving hands on her. To her surprise, it felt more intimate and exposing then any of the times they slept together. It almost scared her, but it was really good for once someone else to take care of her. She was so tired of being strong.

"Relax baby," his voice was soft. "You don't have to think about the divorce if that bothers you right now. We can talk about everything later. Today I'm just your friend, and I'm taking care of you."

She had her reservations, but for once, she tried to believe him. She closed her eyes and settled back in his hands. For a minute, she almost forgot everything but the soft smell of honey and flowers, and his gentle fingers, massaging her back.


End file.
